Every January the same resolution appears: this is the year I find him. I understand the hope in it, and I think it aims at the wrong target.

I spent two marriages focused on a partner's qualities and achievements, and none of it guaranteed I felt good in the relationship. What finally worked was looking inward instead of writing a longer checklist.

So make a different list this year. Write down how you want to feel: heard, safe, joyful, growing in confidence. Read it daily. When you put your heart first and send that into the world, the right person and you are drawn toward each other.

Love yourself first. The rest follows.